I turn 30 in 3 weeks and while it can be a pretty scary occasion, I’m actually excited! Yes, of course part of me is cursing under my breath, we’d all love the secret potion for eternal youth right? But, with age comes wisdom, confidence, security and excitement for the future. Let’s not forget if you want to eat ice-cream for breakfast, you can!!
If I’m honest there’s parts of my past I try to forget about, things I’m not proud of! The hardest part to heal was my “Self Love”. I always felt this angst inside, not a teenage “no-one understands me” angst but a real lack of love for myself, resulting in a lot of self-destructive behaviour! I definitely suffered badly with body dysmorphia, even getting dressed day to day was hard. I would change 700 times and even when I decided what to wear, it would always be something oversized and baggy! If it was hidden away I didn’t have to worry about it anymore.
The problem with not loving yourself is you can lack confidence to speak up, confronting people is a definite NO-NO and in my case, I let lot’s of people away with things I really shouldn’t have! It’s not worth getting upset about because we can’t change the past but we can change our future and I set out for that without even realising!
Time For Change
In 2009 I decided to get get fit again it had been years since I trained, unless you count dancing at music festivals exercise (I did lots of that, 6 Glastonburys in a row anyone?) It was around 2010 when I got the fitness bug with the Ronin Crossfit lads, they set up operation sandbag and then in 2011 they opened the gym! I’ve talked about my fitness journey in the Journey To My First Competition blogpost.
There’s been up and downs, but in the last couple of years I have really found peace with who I am and what I’ve achieved! Growing up I felt I was the short ass with the chunky legs, but hey short people make good weightlifters/crossfitters and you can’t lift heavy without a strong base! For each of us it can be something different, we can be so hard on ourselves but let’s make 2016 the year of “Self Love”.
One thing we don’t talk about enough is ourselves! It’s OK to compliment yourself; tell people you kicked ass in work, smashed a WOD, or how great you feel in your new dress? It can be hard. I’ve talked about it before, but keeping a journal is great for this, write it down and when you’re ready… Scream it from the rooftops!
So to my 20 year old self:
Lift your head and show yourself some love. You are a beautiful person who loves the world, so show yourself some love back! If you mess up that’s ok, your mistakes don’t and will not define you! You have nothing to worry about because the best is yet to come…. (oh and about that fringe, I’m not so sure about it #LegoHead)